Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
