AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
