it wasn't lemon gatorade
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So many bounce houses so little time
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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