i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
