Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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