So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
