My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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