you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
