He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
