Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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