i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
