Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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