So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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