somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
