so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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