Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
