Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize