I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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