guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
