its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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