I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Please, let me fuck your mom
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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