It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
