i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
porn star boner night. come get it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
