know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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