I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
