Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
