woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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