If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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