It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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