I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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