At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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