grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
