i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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