piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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