Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
