Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
