i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
