So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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