So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
