Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
