and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
