I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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