We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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