idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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