my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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