my phone needs a breathalizer
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
