we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
