I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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