I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
