She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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