is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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