I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize