I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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