She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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