I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
why do cheetos always look like penises
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
