He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
