here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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