Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
