So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
