Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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