I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
