I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
