The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
