Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just high enough for therapy.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
