The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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