Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
