Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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