day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize