Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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