Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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