you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
