The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize