I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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