Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
