"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
