There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
